Chapter 14Hester and the Physician

Hester told little Pearl to go play by the water, messing around with shells and seaweed, while she talked to the guy gathering herbs. So the kid zipped off, kicked off her shoes, and ran along the wet edge of the sea.

She’s stopping here and there, peeking into puddles left by the tide - like a mirror for Pearl to see her face. A little girl popped out at her from the pool, dark curls framing her head, with a playful smile in her eyes.

It was Pearl’s own image, and since she didn’t have any other friends, she asked her to hold hands and race. But the little girl beckoned too, like saying, "This spot's way better! Come on in! And Pearl stepped in, up to her knees, and saw her own white feet at the bottom.

"Then, from even deeper, came a kind of shimmering smile, floating in the water. Meanwhile, her mom went over to the doctor. "I need to talk to you," she said. "It’s important to both of us." "Oh yeah?

Is it Mistress Hester who’s got something to say to old Roger Chillingworth?" he replied, straightening up. "Seriously! I’m hearing good things about you, Hester. Just last night, a magistrate - a smart, righteous guy - was talking about your situation.

"They were wondering if they could take that scarlet letter off your chest. I swear, Hester, I begged the magistrate to do it right away!"

"It’s not up to the magistrates to ditch this thing," Hester replied calmly. "If I deserved to be rid of it, it would just fall off or change into something else - something that meant something different. "Well, then, wear it if you like it better," he rejoined.

"A woman’s gotta do what feels right when it comes to her style. The letter is embroidered nicely, and it looks pretty good on your chest!"

All this time, Hester had been looking straight at the old man, and she was totally shocked - like, seriously - to see how much he’s changed in the last seven years. It wasn’t just that he looked older; yeah, he had some signs of age, but he seemed pretty strong and alert.

But the way he used to look - like an intellectual, quiet, and chill dude - that was totally gone. Now he had this eager, searching, almost fierce look, but he was trying to hide it. He seemed to want to cover it up with a smile, but it didn’t quite work.

The smile would flicker across his face and just look mocking, so you could really see how intense he was. And every so often, there’s this flash of red in his eyes. It was like his soul was burning, smoldering inside him, until a sudden burst of emotion would flare it up for a second.

He’d quickly shut it down and try to look like nothing happened.

Seriously, old Roger Chillingworth was a total sign of how much people can change - like, turn into a devil if they really commit to it. This poor guy had done just that, spending seven years digging into someone’s heart full of pain.

He got a kick out of it, stoked those fiery tortures, and just... watched. The scarlet letter was burning on Hester Prynne’s chest. Another mess, and she was partly responsible. "What do you see in my face?" asked the doctor. "Why are you staring at it so hard?"

"Something that would make me cry," she answered. "If I had tears strong enough for it. But let it go! I want to talk about that miserable guy over there. "And what about him? Roger Chillingworth practically yelled, like he loved the topic.

He was stoked to chat about it with the only person he could confide in. "Truth be told, I’m thinking about the guy a lot right now, Hester. Don’t hold back - just tell me what’s on your mind, and I’ll reply."

"Last time we talked," said Hester, "like, seven years ago, you basically strong-armed me into keeping a secret about our past. Since you had his life and reputation in your hands, I didn’t really have a choice but to stay quiet, like you wanted. But I was seriously uneasy about it."

I'm not responsible for anyone else, but I felt like I was betraying him. Something told me I was going back on my promise to be loyal. Ever since then, you're like, his shadow. You’re right behind him everywhere he goes. You’re with him when he sleeps and when he's awake.

"You're reading his thoughts. You’re just... burrowing into his heart! You’re got a grip on his life, and you're killing him slowly. And he still doesn't even know you! Letting this happen, I feel like I'm messing up with the only person I could actually be true to."

"What was I supposed to do?" asked Roger Chillingworth. "Point my finger at him and send him from his pulpit straight to a dungeon - maybe even the gallows? "It would have been better," said Hester Prynne. "What bad thing have I done to him?" asked Roger Chillingworth again.

"Listen, Hester Prynne, no king’s money could ever have paid for the care I’ve poured into this poor guy! Without me, his life would’ve ended in agony within the first two years after... everything. Because, Hester, his spirit wasn’t strong enough to handle a burden like your scarlet letter."

Seriously, I could tell you some stuff! But enough. I’ve done all I can with my skills. The fact that he’s still breathing and walking around is all thanks to me! It would have been better if he’d just died, said Hester Prynne.

"Yeah, woman, you’re right!" old Roger Chillingworth exclaimed, letting his intense feelings show. "He should’ve just died! No one’s ever suffered like this guy has. And it all happened right in front of his worst enemy! He was aware of me. He felt an influence constantly on him, like a curse."

He knew - because the Creator didn’t make anyone as sensitive as this guy - that no friendly hand was tugging at his heart, and that an eye was staring into him, looking for bad stuff and finding it. But he didn’t know that eye and hand were mine!

With the beliefs common to his group, he thought he was being haunted by a demon, tormented by scary dreams and hopeless thoughts, the pain of regret, and the feeling he’s never going to be forgiven - like a preview of what’s waiting for him after he dies.

But it was my constant presence! - the closest I’d ever been to the man I’ve wronged the most! - and who had come to exist only through this ongoing, terrible revenge! Seriously! - he wasn’t wrong! - there was a fiend at his side.

A regular guy, who used to have a human heart, has become a fiend just to mess with him!" The unlucky doctor, while saying this, raised his hands with a look of pure terror, as if he’d seen some awful shape taking his place in a mirror."

It was one of those moments - that sometimes happen only after years - when a person’s true character is clearly shown to them. He probably hadn’t seen himself like this before. "Haven’t you tortured him enough? Hester asked, noticing the old man’s expression. "Has he paid you back everything?"

"No! - no! - He’s just made the debt even bigger!" the doctor said. His tone softened, and he seemed really down. "Do you remember me, Hester, like, nine years back? Even then, I was pretty far along in life, not exactly the beginning."

But my whole life was spent studying, thinking, being quiet - really dedicated to learning. And I also tried to help people, though that wasn’t my main focus - I put in the work to make things better. My life was peaceful and innocent, and I helped a lot of people. Do you remember me?

"Was I a thoughtful guy, even if I seemed a bit cold? Did I care about others, not really wanting much for myself - kind, honest, fair, and always affectionate, even if not super warm? Was I all that? "You were, and even more," Hester replied.

"And what am I now?" he asked, staring at her, letting all the bad stuff inside him show on his face. "I already told you what I am! A monster! Who turned me into this? "It was me! Hester said, shaking. "It was me, just as much as him. Why haven’t you gotten revenge on me?"

"I left you with the scarlet letter," Roger Chillingworth said. "If that hasn’t gotten revenge, then I can’t do anything else! He touched it, a little smile on his face. "It has gotten revenge! Hester Prynne said. "I figured as much," the doctor said.

"And now, what do you want from me regarding this guy?"

"I have to tell you the secret," Hester said, her voice steady. "He needs to really see who you are. I don't know what's gonna happen. But this huge thing I owe him - because I basically wrecked his life - needs to be paid. What happens to his reputation, his life, everything...it’s up to you."

I’ve been forced to be honest by the scarlet letter, like a brand burning into my soul. I don’t see any point in him living a hollow, empty life, so I won’t beg you to go easy on him. Do what you want! There's no good for him, for me, or for you! There's no good for little Pearl either!

We're lost in this awful mess, and there’s no way out! "Seriously, I almost feel bad for you! Roger Chillingworth said, a strange admiration in his voice. "You had so much potential. Maybe if you'd found a better love than mine, this wouldn’t have happened.

I feel sorry for the good that’s been wasted on you! "And I feel sorry for you," Hester Prynne replied. "For the hate that turned a smart, fair man into a monster! Can you let it go, and be human again? Not just for him, but for yourself! Forgive him and let the higher power handle his punishment.

I said earlier that nothing good could come of this for any of us - we’re all wandering around in this dark, evil place, tripping over the guilt we’ll left behind. But that’s not true! There could be good for you, and you alone, since you're the one who’s been hurt, and you have the power to forgive.

"Are you really going to give that up? Are you going to throw away that amazing chance?"

"Seriously, Hester, chill out," the old man said, his voice low and intense. "I can’t just forgive you. I don’t have that kind of power, like you said. My old beliefs, which I’d pretty much forgotten, are coming back, and they make sense of everything - what we’ve done, what we’ve been through."

That first mistake you made? It started the whole mess. But after that, it was just... unavoidable. Those who messed with me aren’t really bad people, just caught up in a kind of misunderstanding. And I’m not some evil dude, just taking over a job someone else dropped. It’s just our fate.

"Let things play out however they will! Now, go on, and do what you gotta do with that guy over there." He flicked his hand and went back to picking herbs.