Chapter 11

It’s seriously hard to recall when I first came around; everything from that time feels all jumbled and fuzzy. A ton of stuff hit me at once - I saw, felt, heard, and smelled everything all the time. It took forever to figure out what each sense was doing.

"Gradually, I remember a really bright light hitting my nerves, so I had to close my eyes. Then it got dark and messed with me, but almost right away, when I opened my eyes, the light flooded back in. I walked and, I think, went downhill, but soon I noticed a huge change in how I felt."

Before, I was surrounded by dark, solid things I couldn’t touch or see. Now, I could wander around freely, with nothing blocking my way. "The light got more and more intense, and the heat was exhausting me as I walked, so I looked for some shade. That’s how I found the forest near Ingolstadt."

I just flopped down by the brook, resting from being so beat, until I felt super hungry and thirsty. That woke me up from being practically asleep, and I ate some berries I found on the trees or on the ground. I drank from the brook, and then, totally worn out, I passed out.

"When I woke up, it was dark, and I was freezing, kinda scared, like instinctively knowing I was all alone. Before I’d left your place, I’d grabbed some clothes to stay warm, but they weren’t enough to protect me from the night dew."

"I was a poor, helpless, miserable mess; I didn’t know or recognize anything, but pain was hitting me from every direction, so I just sat down and cried."

A soft light started spreading across the sky, and I felt this wave of happiness. I jumped up and saw this glowing figure rising from the trees. "[The moon]" I stared, totally mesmerized. It moved slowly, but it lit up my way, so I headed back out looking for berries.

I was still freezing when I spotted a huge cloak under one of the trees, so I wrapped myself in it and sat down. My mind was all over the place - nothing really made sense. I felt light, hungry, thirsty, and dark all at once. A bunch of sounds buzzed in my ears, and all sorts of smells hit me.

The only thing I could really see was the bright moon, and I just kept looking at it, feeling good. "A few days and nights went by, and the moon looked way smaller," when I started to sort out what I was feeling. Slowly, I noticed the clear stream that gave me water and the trees that shaded me.

I was stoked when I realized that the nice sound I’m always hearing came from those little winged creatures that kept blocking the light. I started to look around more carefully and see the edges of the bright light above me. Sometimes I tried to copy the birds' songs, but I couldn’t do it.

Sometimes I wanted to tell people what I was feeling, but the weird, jumbled noises that came out of me scared me back into silence.

The moon had vanished from the sky, then peeked out again, fainter this time. I was still wandering around in the forest. My feelings were getting clearer, and I was learning new things every day. My eyes adjusted to the light, and I could finally see things properly.

I could tell a bug from a plant, and then one plant from another. The sparrow’s chirps were all scratchy, but the blackbird and thrush sounded sweet and cool. "One day, I was freezing," I thought, "and I found a fire some travelers had left behind. I was so stoked to feel the warmth!"

I stuck my hand into the glowing coals, but yanked it back fast with a yelp. "Seriously, how wild is it that the same thing can hurt so bad? I checked out the fire - it was made of wood. I grabbed some branches, but they were soaked and wouldn't light.

I was bummed and just sat there watching the fire do its thing. The wet wood near the heat dried out and started burning on its own. I thought about that, and by touching different branches, I figured out why. I went to work gathering a ton of wood to dry out and have a good supply of fire.

When night fell and sleep hit, I was totally worried my fire would go out. I covered it carefully with dry wood and leaves, and then put wet branches on top. Then, I spread my cloak and crashed on the ground, falling asleep.

I woke up, and the first thing I did was check on the fire. I pulled the cover off, and a little breeze quickly got it blazing. I watched it, and then I made a fan out of branches, which sparked the embers when they were almost out.

When night rolled around, I was stoked to see the fire giving off both light and heat. Finding that element was seriously useful for my food, too. Some scraps the travelers left behind had been roasted, and they tasted way better than the berries I’d been picking.

So, I tried cooking my food that way, putting it right on the hot embers. The berries were a total bust, but the nuts and roots tasted way better. But, food started getting scarce, and I’d spend the whole day searching for just a few acorns to kill the hunger.

When I realized that, I decided to leave the spot I’d been living in, hoping to find somewhere my few needs would be easier to meet. Leaving that place was rough because I’d gotten the fire by chance, and I had no clue how to make it again. I spent hours trying to figure it out, but I had to give up.

So, I wrapped myself in my cloak and headed through the woods towards the setting sun. I wandered for three days and finally found open land. It had snowed the night before, and the fields were totally white.

The whole scene was kind of depressing, and my feet were freezing from the damp snow on the ground.

It was like, seven in the morning, and I was seriously craving food and a place to crash. Then I spotted this tiny hut up on a little hill - probably built for a shepherd. It was totally new to me, so I checked it out, super curious. The door was open, so I went inside.

An old dude was sitting there by the fire, making breakfast. He heard me come in and just screamed, then bolted out of the hut and ran across the fields. Seriously, he was moving fast, even though he looked pretty run-down. His look was unlike anything I'd ever seen, and his escape was a little wild.

But I was obsessed with the hut! No snow or rain could get in, the ground was dry, and it felt like the most amazing, perfect hideout ever - like, better than Pandæmonium looked to those demons after they'd been through hellfire.

I basically inhaled what was left of the shepherd’s breakfast: bread, cheese, milk, and wine. I wasn’t really feeling the wine, though. Totally exhausted, I just flopped down on some straw and fell asleep.

I woke up around noon. The sun was blazing, making the snow sparkle. I decided to hit the road again. I stashed what was left of the peasant’s breakfast in a wallet I found and walked across the fields for hours. Finally, at sunset, I made it to a village. It was wild!

The little huts, the nicer cottages, and even big houses - I was totally checking them out. The gardens were packed with veggies, and I saw milk and cheese sitting in some of the cottage windows - my stomach was growling.

I went into what looked like the best one, but the second I stepped inside, the kids started screaming, and one of the women passed out. The whole village freaked out! Some people ran away, and others started attacking me.

I got pretty beat up from stones and all sorts of stuff, but I managed to escape to the open country. I was seriously spooked, so I dove into a tiny, bare hovel. It looked pretty rough after seeing those fancy houses in the village.

Luckily, this hovel was next to a really cute, cozy cottage, but after everything that happened, I was too scared to go in. The hovel was made of wood, but it was so low, I could barely sit up. The floor was just dirt, but it was dry.

Even though wind was blowing in through every crack, it was a good place to get out of the snow and rain.

"Okay, so I chilled out and crashed, super stoked to have found a place to hide, even if it was kinda rough, from the crazy weather and, like, people being totally savage. As soon as it was morning, I peeked out of my spot to check out the cottage nearby and see if I could stay put."

It was tucked against the back of the cottage and surrounded by a pigpen and a clear pool of water on the sides. There was this one opening where I’d snuck in, but now I covered up every crack with rocks and wood, just in case. I could still move them if I needed to get out.

The only light I got came through the pigpen, and that was enough for me. "Once I’d sorted out my place and made it comfy with clean straw, I headed back inside. I saw a dude hanging out far away, and I remembered how he’d treated me the night before, so I wasn't about to trust him again."

First, though, I grabbed some bread - a bit crusty, but fine - and a cup so I could drink the clean water that flowed by my hideout easier than cupping it in my hand. The floor was a little raised, so it stayed totally dry, and being close to the cottage chimney kept it pretty warm.

I had everything I needed, so I decided to chill in this shack until something changed my mind. Seriously, it was like a dream compared to that gloomy forest I was living in before - all those dripping branches and soggy ground.

I ate breakfast and was about to pry up a plank to get some water when I heard footsteps. I peeked through a crack and saw this young girl walking by, with a pail balanced on her head. She seemed nice, totally different from the other villagers and farmhands I'd seen.

But her clothes were basic - just a rough blue skirt and a linen jacket. Her hair was braided, but not fancy. She looked patient, but kinda sad. I lost sight of her, and after about fifteen minutes, she came back with the pail, now half-full of milk.

She was walking along, looking a little burdened, when a young guy showed up. His face was super down, like he was dealing with something heavy. He mumbled a few words, all gloomy, took the pail off her head, and carried it to the cottage himself. She followed him, and they both disappeared inside.

A little while later, I saw the guy again, carrying tools across the field behind the cottage. The girl was busy too, sometimes inside the house, sometimes out in the yard.

Checking out my place, I noticed one of the cottage windows used to be there, but now it was just filled with wood. There was this tiny, almost invisible crack in one of them - you could barely peek through. I could see a small room through it, totally whitewashed and clean, but pretty bare.

In one corner, near a little fire, sat an old guy, head in his hands, looking super bummed. The young girl was busy setting up the cottage. Then she pulled something out of a drawer - she was totally into it - and sat down next to the old man.

He picked up an instrument and started playing, making sounds sweeter than any bird, seriously. It was a beautiful sight, even for me, someone who’d never seen anything pretty before. The old man’s silver hair and kind face got me hooked, and the girl’s sweet personality made me feel something real.

He played this sad, sweet tune that made his companion tear up. The old man didn't even notice until she started sobbing. Then he said a few words, and the girl dropped her work and knelt at his feet.

He lifted her up and smiled with so much kindness and love that I felt something totally new - a mix of pain and happiness I'd never felt before, not even from being hungry or cold, or from eating something good. I backed away from the window, couldn’t handle those feelings.

The young man came back soon, carrying a stack of wood on his shoulders. The girl met him at the door, helped him set it down, and took some inside to throw on the fire. Then, she and the youth went off to a cozy corner of the cottage, and he showed her a big loaf of bread and a chunk of cheese.

She looked stoked and headed out to the garden for some roots and plants, which she put in water, then on the fire. She kept busy after that, while the young man went into the garden and seemed to be working hard, digging and pulling up roots.

After about an hour, the young woman joined him, and they went back inside together. "The old man had been kinda bummed out, but when he saw his family, he seemed happier, and they sat down to eat." The meal was over fast.

The young woman went back to tidying up the cottage, and the old man strolled in front of the cottage in the sun for a bit, leaning on the youth’s arm. You couldn't beat how good these two looked together. One was old, with silver hair and a face full of kindness and love.

The other was lean and graceful, with perfectly shaped features, but his eyes and posture showed how down he was. The old man went back inside, and the youth, with different tools than he’s used this morning, headed across the fields.

Night fell fast, but I was totally surprised to see the cottagers had candles to keep the light going. It was awesome - watching the sun go down didn't stop me from watching my human neighbors.

In the evening, the young girl and her friend were busy doing stuff I didn't get, and the old man started playing that instrument again, making those incredible sounds that had blown me away earlier.

As soon as he was done, the young guy started making sounds, but they were totally boring and nothing like the music the old man played or the songs birds sing. Later, I realized he was reading aloud, but back then I didn’t know anything about words or letters.

"The family chilled out for a bit, then turned off the lights and went to bed, I figured."