Chapter 3

When I turned seventeen, my parents decided I’d go to the University of Ingolstadt. I’d been to schools in Geneva up until then, but my dad felt I needed to experience different cultures than my own.

So, my departure was set pretty soon, but before it could happen, the first big bummer of my life hit - like, a sign of what was to come. Elizabeth got scarlet fever; she was seriously sick and in really bad shape. Lots of people tried to convince my mom not to take care of her.

She initially agreed, but when she heard Elizabeth’s life was on the line, she couldn’t handle the worry and went to her bedside. Her care pulled Elizabeth through, but it ended up being fatal for her. Three days later, my mom got sick too. She had a terrible fever and the doctors weren’t optimistic.

Even on her deathbed, she was strong and kind. She held Elizabeth and my hands. My children, she said, I really hoped you two would end up together. That’s what’s gonna comfort your dad now. Elizabeth, you need to look after my younger kids.

"I’m so sad to leave you all, but honestly, it’s hard to say goodbye when you’ve been so happy and loved. But I shouldn’t be thinking like that. I’ll try to accept it and hope we meet again in another world."

She passed away peacefully, and even in death, her face showed love. I don't need to spell out how people feel when they lose someone they’re super close to - that huge empty space in your soul, the way despair just shows on your face.

It takes so long to really accept that someone you saw every day, someone who felt like a part of you, is actually gone - that a beloved pair of eyes has gone dark, and a voice you loved so much is just...silent, never coming back. That’s what the first few days are like.

But when time goes on and the pain is real, that’s when the real bitterness of grief kicks in. But hasn't everyone lost someone they loved? Why would I describe a sadness everyone has felt, and will feel? Eventually, grief becomes more of a choice than a need.

And that smile that creeps onto your lips, even if it feels wrong, doesn't disappear. My mom was gone, but we still had things we needed to do. We had to keep going and feel lucky that someone we loved was still here, someone the "spoiler" hadn't taken yet.

My plans to head to Ingolstadt, which I's been putting off, were back on. I got a few extra weeks from my dad. It felt wrong to leave the quietness - almost like being dead - of our house of mourning and jump back into everything. I was new to this kind of pain, but it totally freaked me out.

I didn’t want to leave the people I had left, and mostly, I wanted to see my sweet Elizabeth feeling a little better.

She totally hid her sadness and tried to be the comfort for all of us. She faced life head-on and took on its responsibilities with a ton of energy and grit. She dedicated herself to the people she’d been taught to call her uncle and cousins.

Seriously, she was glowing - like, remembering her sunny smiles and sharing them with us. She even forgot about her own worries trying to help us forget ours. Finally, the day I left arrived. Clerval spent the last night with us.

He’d tried to convince his dad to let him come with me and be my study buddy, but no luck. His dad was super rigid and saw nothing but laziness and disaster in his son’s dreams and goals. Henry was bummed about not getting a good education.

He didn’t say much, but when he did, I could see a determined fire in his eyes and a spark of resolve - he wasn’t going to be stuck with boring business stuff. We stayed up really late. We couldn’t bring ourselves to say goodbye.

It was finally said, and we pretended to be tired, each of us thinking the other was playing it cool.

But when morning came and I went down to the carriage that was taking me away, they were all there - my dad to bless me again, Clerval to squeeze my hand one last time, and Elizabeth to beg me to write often and give her best wishes to her friend and playmate.

I totally flopped onto the chaise lounge - it was basically my ride outta here - and got lost in some seriously sad thoughts. Me, who’s always been surrounded by awesome friends and always trying to make everyone happy, was now all by myself.

At the university I was headed to, I’d have to make my own friends and look out for myself. My life had been pretty chill and home-focused up until now, and that made me super awkward around new people.

I loved my brothers, Elizabeth, and Clerval; they were my "old familiar faces," but I honestly didn't think I was cut out for hanging with strangers. Those were my thoughts as I started my journey, but as I went along, I started feeling better and got hopeful. I really wanted to learn a ton.

I’d often thought it was a drag being stuck in one place while I was young, and I’d dreamed of getting out there and being around other people. Now my wish was coming true, and it would’ve been dumb to regret it.

I had plenty of time for those and a bunch of other thoughts on my long and exhausting trip to Ingolstadt. Finally, I saw the tall white steeple of the town. I hopped out and got shown to my own room - basically, I could do whatever I wanted for the evening.

The next morning, I dropped off my letters and checked out some of the main professors. Seriously, it felt like fate - or, like, the Angel of Destruction, who was totally running the show ever since I left my dad’s place - led me straight to M. Krempe, the natural philosophy professor.

He was kind of rough around the edges, but he really knew his stuff. He hit me with a bunch of questions about my progress in science. I just shrugged and kinda rolled my eyes, dropping the names of my old alchemy mentors. The professor just stared.

"You actually spent your time studying that? I said yeah. "Every minute," M. Krempe went on, "every second you wasted on those books is totally gone. You’re filling your head with theories that are dead and names that donn't mean anything. Seriously!"

"Where have you been living, that no one bothered to tell you that this stuff you’ve been gobbling up is a thousand years old and as dusty as it gets? I honestly didn’t expect to find a follower of Albertus Magnus and Paracelsus in this day and age. Look, you gotta start over completely."

He then stepped aside and wrote down a list of books about natural philosophy he wanted me to get. He sent me on my way, mentioning that next week he’s kicking off a lecture series on natural philosophy, and M. Waldman, another professor, would lecture on chemistry on the days he wasn’t teaching.

I wasn’t bummed when I got back, because I’d already decided those authors the professor hated were kinda useless. But I definitely wasn't suddenly wanting to dive back into those studies. M. Krempe was this short, grumpy dude with a face you didn’t want to see.

So, he didn't exactly make me excited about his subjects. Maybe I got a little carried away explaining how I felt about them when I was younger. As a kid, I wasn't buying what the modern science teachers were selling. I got my ideas mixed up - just a kid without anyone to guide me.

I went back to the beginning, retracing steps, swapping the new discoveries for the wild dreams of old alchemists. Plus, I thought modern natural science was lame. It was way cooler when scientists were chasing immortality and power - those goals were ambitious, even if they didn't work out. Now?

It felt like everyone was just trying to tear down those big dreams that got me interested in science in the first place. I felt like I had to trade those awesome visions for boring realities.

That's what I was thinking about during my first few days at Ingolstadt, mostly just checking out the place and meeting people. But then, a week in, I remembered what M. Krempe said about the lectures.

I wasn’t about to listen to that little show-off preach, but I recalled M. Waldman, who I hadn’t met yet - he’d been out of town.

Mostly out of boredom, I wandered into the lecture hall. M. Waldman showed up a bit later. This professor was totally different from his colleague. He looked like he was in his fifties, but he had the kindest vibe ever.

A few grey hairs framed his temples, but the ones in the back were practically black. He was short, but stood super straight, and his voice? Seriously the sweetest I’d ever heard.

He started the lecture by going over the history of chemistry and all the cool improvements different scientists had made, shouting out the names of the biggest discoverers with so much passion. Then, he gave a quick rundown of where chemistry was at right now and explained a bunch of the basics.

After doing a few quick experiments, he ended with a huge shout-out to modern chemistry - I'll never forget what he said: The old-school chemistry teachers, he said, promised the moon and didn’t deliver.

The modern ones don’t hype things up; they know you can’t turn lead into gold and that the fountain of youth is just a myth.

But these scientists, who look like they’re just messing around in the lab, and who spend all their time staring through microscopes or messing with crucibles, have seriously pulled off miracles. They’ve cracked nature’s secrets and shown us how things work behind the scenes.

"They’ve even gone to space - they figured out how blood flows and what air is made of. They’re like, super powerful now; they can summon storms, fake earthquakes, and even play tricks with things we can't even see."

Those were the professor’s words - or, let’s just say, the words of fate, meant to mess me up. As he went on, I felt like my soul was battling a real, solid enemy. One by one, the different pieces that made me, me, were touched.

Chord after chord sounded, and soon my mind was buzzing with just one thing, one idea, one goal. So much has been done! my soul shouted, like, seriously. But I’m gonna do way more.

"Following the path already laid out, I’ll blaze a new trail, unlock powers no one’s seen, and show the world the deepest secrets of creation."

I didn't sleep that night. I was totally stressed and all over the place; I felt like things would eventually calm down, but I couldn’t make it happen. Slowly, after morning came, I finally dozed off. When I woke up, my thoughts from the night before felt like a weird dream.

All that was left was a plan to get back to my old studies and focus on a science I thought I was naturally good at. That same day, I went to see M. Waldman. He was even chill and easygoing in person than he was during lectures.

There was a certain classiness to him when he was teaching, but at his place, he was just super friendly and kind. I basically told him the same story about what I’d been studying, just like I told his colleague.

"He listened to the whole thing about Cornelius Agrippa and Paracelsus, and he smiled, but not with the shade M. Krempe had thrown. He said, "These guys were seriously dedicated, and modern philosophers owe them a ton for the basics of what we know.

"They basically made it easier for us to give new names and organize all the facts they helped uncover. Even if the work of brilliant minds goes in the wrong direction, it usually ends up helping people out in the long run."

I listened to him - he was being totally genuine - and then I said his lecture had changed my mind about modern chemistry. I was careful with my words, being respectful to my teacher, and I didn’t let on (I’d probably be embarrassed if I did) how excited I was about what I wanted to do.

I asked him what books I should get.

"I’m stoked you’re my student," said M. Waldman. "And if you’re as good as I think you are, you’re gonna crush it. Chemistry is where it’s at - huge advancements are happening, and it’s been my thing. But I haven’t ignored the other sciences, either."

"You’d be a total scrub if you only focused on chemistry. If you really want to be a scientist, not just some random experimenter, you gotta dive into everything, including math."

He then showed me around his lab and explained all his machines, telling me what I needed to get and promising I could use his when I was ready. He also gave me the list of books I’d asked for, and I headed out.

That’s how a seriously important day ended for me - it basically set me up for the rest of my life.