Chapter 17

"The being stopped talking and stared at me, waiting for a response. But I was totally lost, confused, and couldn't even wrap my head around what he was asking. He went on, "You gotta make me a girl, someone I can chill with and share feelings.

You’re the only one who can do it, and I’m telling you, it’s not optional. Hearing that brought back the anger I thought had faded while he was talking about living with the cottagers. I couldn't hold it back anymore. "No way," I said. "Not a chance.

"You can torture me all you want, but I’m not giving in. You can make my life a total disaster, but you won’t make me do something I’m not okay with. Create another monster like you, and together you could destroy the world. Get out! I’m done talking. You can hurt me, but I won't say yes."

"You’re wrong," the fiend shot back. "And instead of threatening, I’m good with just talking things out. I’m being a jerk because I’m so down. Seriously, does anyone even like me?"

You, my creator, would just rip me apart and celebrate - remember that, and tell me why I should feel bad for humans more than they feel bad for me? It wouldn’t even be murder if you just tossed me into an ice crevasse and ended me - my whole existence is thanks to you.

Why should I respect humanity when they’re judging me? Let’s chill together, trade kindness, and I’m telling you, I’d shower you with good stuff, practically bawling with thanks if you accepted me. But that’s not happening; humans are just too closed off. Still, I'm not going down without a fight.

"I'm getting even; if I can't get love, I’ll cause fear - especially towards you, my biggest enemy, because you're my creator. I swear, I hate you forever. Watch out; I’m out for your destruction, and I won’t stop until your heart is totally crushed, until you regret ever being born."

A surge of anger took over as he said this; his face twisted into expressions too messed up for anyone to look at. But then, he calmed down.

"I meant to be logical. This feeling is messing with me, you know? You don’t even realize you’re the reason it’s so intense. If anyone felt good vibes towards me, I’d return them big time - a hundredfold! For one person, I’d make peace with everyone!"

But now I’m dreaming of things that just aren’t gonna happen. What I’m asking isn’t crazy or anything. I need another creature, but like, as messed up-looking as me. The payoff would be small, but it’s all I can get, and it’s enough. Yeah, we’d be freaks, cut off from everything.

But that’s why we’d be even more connected. Our lives won't be sunshine and rainbows, but they'll be chill and free from this misery I'm feeling. Oh! My creator, make me happy! Let me feel thankful for one thing you do for me!

Let me see that I can get some sympathy from something real; don’t shut me down! I felt something shift. I got chills thinking about what could happen if I said yes, but I thought he had a point. His story and how he was feeling showed he was capable of deep emotions."

And didn't I, as his maker, owe him some happiness if I could give it? He saw me changing my mind and

"If you’re okay with it, neither you nor anyone else will ever see us again; I’ll head to the huge wilderness of South America. I don’t eat like people do; I don’t kill lambs and goats just to fill up. Acorns and berries are more than enough for me."

My friend will be the same as me and will be happy with the same stuff. We’ll make our bed out of dry leaves; the sun will shine on us like it does on people and will ripen our food.

"The picture I’m painting for you is chill and human, and you have to feel like you’d only deny it because you’re flexing power and being mean. Even though you’ve been rough with me, I see some kindness in your eyes now; let me grab this moment and convince you to promise what I really want."

"You’re saying," I replied, "that you want to ditch human places and live in the wilderness where animals are your only friends. How can you, someone who wants love and understanding from people, stick it out in that kind of exile?"

You’ll come back and try to get their kindness again, and you’ll face their hate; your bad feelings will come back, and you’ll have a friend to help you destroy. That won’t happen; stop arguing, because I can’t agree. "Your feelings are all over the place!

Just a sec ago you were feeling what I was saying, and why are you being so tough about my complaints now? I swear to you, by the earth I live on and by you who made me, that with the friend you give me, I’ll leave human areas and live, wherever it lands, in the wildest places.

"My bad feelings will be gone, because I’ll find sympathy! My life will be peaceful, and when I die, I won’t curse my creator."

His words messed with me, seriously. I felt bad for him, sometimes even wanted to cheer him up. But then I’d look at him - at this gross, moving, talking thing - and my stomach would churn. I felt pure horror and hate. I tried to shut those feelings down.

I figured if I couldn’t really relate to him, I didn’t have the right to deny him a little bit of happiness I could give. You’re swearing to be harmless, I said. But haven't you already shown some seriously messed-up malice that should make me doubt you?

Could this even be a fake-out to make your revenge even bigger? "What’s going on?" he asked. "Don’t play games with me, and give me a straight answer. If I’m not tied to anyone and have no feelings, then hate and bad stuff are all I’m gonna get.

Someone loving me would wipe out the reason for my crimes, and I’m basically gonna disappear. My bad habits are because I’m forced to be alone, which I hate. But if I’m around someone equal to me, then I'll have good qualities.

"I'll feel for a sensitive person and become part of life and everything that’s happening, instead of being totally cut off."

I took a minute to really think about everything he’s told me, all his points. I thought about how he seemed to promise so much good when he first showed up, and then how all that kindness just vanished because of the hate and disgust his protectors showed him.

I didn’t ignore his power or threats either. A creature who could chill out in ice caves and hide from everyone on crazy cliffs? That’s a being with skills you couldn’t even begin to deal with.

After a long think, I decided that doing what was fair to him and everyone else meant I had to say yes to what he wanted. Turning to him, I said, "Okay, I’m in. But you have to swear to leave Europe, and anywhere near people, as soon as I hand over a girl who’s coming with you into exile."

"I swear," he shouted, "by the sun, by the blue sky above, and by the fire in my heart, that if you grant my wish, you’ll never see me again as long as you’re around. Go home and get started; I’ll be watching what you do, and don’t worry, I’ll show up when you’re ready."

With that, he totally bailed, maybe scared I’d change my mind. I watched him speed down the mountain faster than an eagle, and then he disappeared into the ice.

His story took up the whole day, and the sun was practically setting when he left. I knew I had to head down the mountain, like, fast, 'cause it was about to get super dark. But I was feeling totally bummed, and my steps were dragging.

Trying to navigate all these tiny trails and make sure I didn’t trip was a lot, especially with everything that happened today buzzing around in my head. It was way late when I finally got to the halfway spot and sat down by the fountain. The stars were peeking out as clouds drifted over them.

"Dark pines loomed, and a few broken trees were scattered around - it was a seriously intense scene, and it got me thinking deep. I cried a lot, and clutched my hands, practically begging, "Oh, stars and clouds and winds, you're all gonna laugh at me!

"If you actually feel bad, just wipe my memories, make me disappear. But if not, just go away and leave me in the dark."

Those were some seriously messed-up thoughts, but I can't even explain how the stars twinkling just got to me, and how I listened to every gust of wind like it was a gross, ugly siroc coming to swallow me whole.

I rolled into Chamounix just as morning hit, then bounced straight back to Geneva, no time for a break. Seriously, I couldn’t even put into words how I was feeling - it was like carrying the weight of a whole mountain, and it was crushing me.

So, I went home, walked in, and the family was totally freaked out by how I looked. I didn't answer their questions, barely even spoke. It felt like I was cut off, like I didn't deserve their support, like I’d never feel close to them again. But even so, I loved them like crazy.

And to protect them, I decided to tackle the thing I hated most. Just thinking about it made everything else feel unreal, like a dream. That one thought was the only real thing in my life.