Chapter 19

London was where we were hanging out for now; we decided to stick around for a few months in this awesome, famous city. Clerval really wanted to connect with all the smart, talented people who were thriving at this time, but that wasn’t my main focus.

I was mostly trying to get the info I needed to finish my promise. I quickly used the letters of introduction I brought, addressed to the top natural philosophers.

If this trip had happened back when I was studying and happy, I would’ve been stoked. But something dark had fallen over my life, and I only talked to these people to get answers about this thing I was obsessing over.

Being around people was draining; when I was alone, I could lose myself in the beauty of the world. Henry’s voice calmed me down, and I could almost trick myself into feeling okay for a bit. But seeing all these busy, happy faces just brought back the despair.

I felt like there was this huge wall between me and everyone else; it was sealed with the blood of William and Justine, and thinking about what happened to them just filled me with so much pain.

Clerval was like a mirror reflecting who I used to be - always curious and wanting to learn everything. He thought the differences in how people acted were totally fascinating and a constant source of amusement. He was also working toward a goal he's had for ages.

He wanted to go to India, thinking his knowledge of their languages and his ideas about their culture could seriously help European colonization and trade. He needed to be in Britain to make it happen. He was always busy, and the only bummer was my own sad and down mood.

I tried to hide it as much as I could so he could enjoy his new adventure without any worries or bad memories. I’d often turn down invitations to hang out, saying I had something else going on, so I could be alone.

I also started gathering the stuff I needed for my new creation, and it felt like a slow, agonizing torture - like tiny drops of water constantly falling on my head. Every thought about it was pure agony, and even just mentioning it made my lips tremble and my heart race.

After a few months in London, we got a letter from someone in Scotland who used to visit us in Geneva. He was going on about how beautiful his country was and asked if we’d want to keep traveling as far north as Perth, where he lived.

Clerval was totally up for it, and even though I hated being around people, I wanted to see the mountains and rivers and all the amazing things nature creates.

We’d landed in England back in October, and now it was February. So, we figured we’d start our trip north after another month. We weren’t planning on taking the main road to Edinburgh, though. Instead, we wanted to hit Windsor, Oxford, Matlock, and the lakes in Cumberland.

Our goal was to finish the tour around the end of July. I packed up my chemistry gear and all the stuff I’d gathered, planning to wrap up my work in some quiet spot in the Scottish Highlands.

We left London on March twenty-seventh and chilled in Windsor for a few days, wandering around the gorgeous forest. It was a totally new vibe for us mountain people - the huge oak trees, tons of game, and herds of fancy deer were all new to us. Then, we headed to Oxford.

As we rolled into the city, we were reminded of everything that went down there over a century and a half ago. That's where Charles I gathered his troops. The city stuck with him, even after everyone else joined Parliament and went for liberty.

Remembering that king and his crew - sweet Falkland, arrogant Goring, his queen, and son - made every part of the city feel special. The spirit of the past was all over the place, and we loved tracing its steps.

Even if we were just imagining things, the city itself was beautiful enough to impress us.

The colleges were old and charming, the streets were practically stunning, and the lovely Isis, flowing through meadows of bright green, spread out into calm waters that reflected all the towers, spires, and domes nestled among ancient trees .

It was a bittersweet moment, honestly. The past and what was coming kept bringing me down. I was made for chill vibes, you know? Back then, I never really felt down. And if I ever got bored, seeing something beautiful in nature or checking out amazing art always perked me up. But now?

I’m totally wrecked. Something hit me deep, and I knew I’d be stuck around to show everyone what I was becoming - a sad, broken mess, pathetic to others and unbearable to myself.

We spent a ton of time at Oxford, wandering around and trying to find every spot tied to the coolest parts of English history. Our little explorations would often drag on because we'd find something else to check out. We went to Hampden’s tomb and the field where he went down for it.

For a sec, I felt lifted up, thinking about liberty and sacrifice - stuff he stood for. I actually dared to ditch my baggage and look around with a clear head. But it was no use. The hurt was too deep, and I crashed back down, shaking and hopeless.

We left Oxford feeling bummed and headed to Matlock, our next stop. The area around the village kinda looked like Switzerland, but everything was smaller. It lacked the distant white Alps that always top the mountains back home. We checked out this amazing cave and a little natural history museum.

The displays were set up just like the collections at Servox and Chamounix. Hearing Henry say "Chamounix" gave me the chills, and I was ready to ditch Matlock - that name was tied to a really bad memory. From Derby, we kept going north and spent two months in Cumberland and Westmorland.

Seriously, I could have sworn I was back in the Swiss mountains. Those little patches of snow on the north sides of the peaks, the lakes, and the rushing streams - it was all so familiar and comforting. We met some cool people there too, who almost tricked me into feeling happy.

Clerval was even more stoked than I was. Hanging out with talented people made his mind explode, and he realized he had way more going on inside than he thought, especially compared to the people he used to roll with. "I could totally live here," he said to me.

"Among these mountains, I wouldn't even miss Switzerland or the Rhine. But he also realized that traveling isn't all sunshine and roses. It's a rollercoaster of emotions. You’re constantly on edge, and just when you start to chill, you gotta pack up and move on to something new.

We’d barely checked out the lakes in Cumberland and Westmorland and started to like some of the locals when it was time to meet our Scottish friend, so we left them behind. Honestly, I wasn't that bummed. I'd been blowing off my promise for a while, and I was worried about what the demon would do.

He could stay in Switzerland and get revenge on my family. That thought stuck with me and totally stressed me out - I couldn’t relax or find any peace. I was waiting for letters like crazy; if they didn’t come, I was a wreck, freaking out about a million things.

When they did arrive and I saw the name Elizabeth or my dad, I almost couldn’t bring myself to open them and see what was up. Sometimes I felt like the fiend was following me, maybe even trying to rush things by hurting my friend.

When I felt that way, I wouldn’t leave Henry alone for a second, I stuck to him like a shadow, just to keep him safe from what I thought was his destroyer’s anger. I felt like I’d done something awful, and the guilt was eating me up.

I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I definitely felt like I’d brought a seriously bad curse down on myself - as real as any crime. I checked out Edinburgh, but I was totally checked out mentally. Still, that city could’ve interested anyone, even someone down on their luck.

Clerval didn’t dig it as much as Oxford - he loved the old-school vibe of Oxford.

But the beauty and order of Edinburgh’s new town, its cool castle, and the surrounding area - seriously, the best in the world - Arthur’s Seat, St. Bernard’s Well, and the Pentland Hills, totally cheered him up and made him admire the place. I just couldn’t wait to finish the trip.

We bounced out of Edinburgh in a week, cruising through Coupar, St. Andrew’s, and along the Tay River to Perth, where our friend was waiting. But I wasn’t feeling it - no mood for laughing and chatting with random people or getting into their feels or plans like a good guest should.

So, I told Clerval I wanted to explore Scotland solo. "You have fun," I said. "Let's meet up later. I might be gone a month or two, but seriously, don't mess with my vibe. Leave me to chill and be alone for a bit. When I’m back, I hope I’m feeling way better, you know, more in sync with your energy."

Henry tried to talk me out of it, but seeing I was set on this, he backed off. He just asked me to text. "I’d rather be with you," he said, "wandering around on your own, than hanging out with these strangers I don’t know. So, hurry back, my friend, so I can feel like I’m somewhere familiar again."

After saying goodbye to my friend, I decided to find a super remote spot in Scotland and finish my work in peace and quiet. I wasn’t wrong to think the monster was following me, and he's gonna show up once I'm done, so he can find a friend.

That's the plan, so I trekked through the northern highlands and picked out one of the most isolated Orkney islands as my workspace. It was perfect - basically just a giant rock, constantly getting slammed by waves.

The ground was pretty much useless, barely enough space for a few sad cows and oatmeal for the five people living there. They were all super thin and looked hungry. Bread, veggies, and even fresh water had to be brought in from the mainland, which was about five miles away.

There were only three super run-down huts on the whole island, and one was empty when I showed up. I rented it. It had just two rooms, and they were seriously depressing - total squalor. The thatch was falling apart, the walls weren't plastered, and the door was off its hinges.

I got it fixed up, bought some furniture, and moved in. Honestly, it probably would have shocked the locals, but they were so down on their luck and living in poverty that they barely noticed anything .

I lived there without anyone paying attention or bothering me, and they barely even thanked me for the little food and clothes I gave them. Suffering just numbs you, you know?

I spent my mornings working, but in the evenings, when the weather was decent, I'd walk along the rocky beach and listen to the waves crashing at my feet. It was a pretty boring but always-changing scene. I thought about Switzerland; it was totally different from this desolate and creepy landscape.

Its hills are covered in vines, and its cottages are scattered everywhere in the plains. Its lakes are beautiful and reflect a calm, blue sky, and when the wind picks up, the water just ripples like a playful kid compared to the ocean’s huge roar.

That’s how I spent my time when I first got there, but as I kept working, it got more and more awful and annoying. Sometimes I couldn't even bring myself to go into my lab for days, and other times I'd work all day and all night just to finish. It was a seriously gross process, to be honest.

At first, I was so hyped up that I didn't even notice how messed up it was; my mind was totally focused on finishing, and I was ignoring the horror of what I was doing. But now I was doing it coldly, and my heart would often feel sick from what my hands were doing.

Stuck like that, doing the most awful job, totally alone with nothing to distract me, I started feeling off. I was getting super restless and on edge. Every second, I was bracing for my tormentor. Sometimes I’d stare at the ground, scared to look up in case I saw what I dreaded.

I didn’t even want to wander away from other people, fearing he’d come find me when I was alone. Meanwhile, I kept working, and I was already pretty far along. I was looking forward to finishing it, but I was nervous - I didn't even want to think about it too much.

Still, I had this weird, sinking feeling that something bad was going to happen.