Chapter 10The Lobster Quadrille

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, wiping his eyes with the back of his flipper. He looked at Alice, trying to speak, but he choked up for a minute or two.

"Like he had something stuck in his throat," said the Gryphon, and started shaking him and giving him a playful punch on the back.

Finally, the Mock Turtle found his voice, tears running down his cheeks, and continued: -

"You might not have lived much under the sea - " ("I haven’t," said Alice) - "and maybe you’d never even met a lobster - " (Alice started to say "I once tasted - " but stopped quickly, and said "Nope, never") " - so you have no idea how awesome a Lobster Quadrille is!"

"Seriously?" said Alice. "What’s that even?"

"Well," said the Gryphon, "you first line up along the beach - "

"Two lines!" cried the Mock Turtle. "Seals, turtles, salmon, and all that; then, once you’ve cleared all the jellyfish out of the way - "

"That usually takes forever," interrupted the Gryphon.

" - you move forward twice - "

"Each with a lobster as your partner !" shouted the Gryphon.

"Of course," said the Mock Turtle. "Move forward twice, find a partner - "

" - swap lobsters, and line up again in the same order," continued the Gryphon.

"Then," said the Mock Turtle, "you toss the - "

"The lobsters!" yelled the Gryphon, jumping into the air.

" - as far out to sea as you can - "

"Swim after them!" screamed the Gryphon.

"Do a flip in the sea!" cried the Mock Turtle, dancing around excitedly.

"Swap lobsters again!" yelled the Gryphon at the top of its lungs.

"Back to the beach, and that’s the first part," said the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice.

The two creatures, who had been bouncing around like crazy, sat down again, looking really sad and quiet, and looked at Alice.

"It must be a really pretty dance," said Alice shyly.

"Want to see a bit?" asked the Mock Turtle.

"Totally!" said Alice.

"Let’s try the first part !" said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. "We can skip the lobsters, you know. Who should sing?"

"You sing," said the Gryphon. "I totally forgot the words."

So they started dancing around and around Alice, sometimes stepping on her toes when they got too close, and waving their paws to keep the beat, while the Mock Turtle sang this, really slowly and sadly: -

"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail. "There’s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s stepping on my tail. Look how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all move forward! They’re waiting on the shingle - will you come and join the dance?"

"Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance? Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance? You can’t even imagine how fun it will be when they pick us up and toss us, with the lobsters, out to sea! But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and glanced away

- Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he wouldn’t join the dance. Wouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t join the dance. Wouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t join the dance.

"What does it matter how far we go?" his scaly friend replied. "There’s another shore, you know, on the other side. The farther you are from England, the closer you are to France - Then don’t turn pale, dear snail, but come and join the dance."

"Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance? Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?"

"Thanks, it’s a really cool dance to watch," said Alice, feeling super glad it was over. "And I totally love that weird song about the whiting!"

"Oh, about the whiting," said the Mock Turtle, "you’ve seen them, right?"

"Yeah," said Alice, "I’ve seen them at dinner - " she stopped herself quickly.

"I don’t know where Dinn is," said the Mock Turtle, "but if you’ve seen them a lot, you probably know what they’re like."

"I think so," Alice replied, thinking it over. "They have their tails in their mouths - and they’re covered in crumbs."

"You’re wrong about the crumbs," said the Mock Turtle. "Crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they do have their tails in their mouths; and the reason is - " here the Mock Turtle yawned and closed his eyes.

"Tell her about the reason and all that," he said to the Gryphon.

"The reason is," said the Gryphon, "that they wanted to go with the lobsters to the dance. So they got tossed out to sea. So they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails stuck in their mouths. So they couldn’t get them out again. That’s it."

"Thanks," said Alice. "That’s really interesting. I never knew so much about a whiting before."

"I can tell you even more, if you want," said the Gryphon. "Do you know why it’s called a whiting?"

"I never thought about it," said Alice. "Why?"

"It does the boots and shoes," the Gryphon replied very seriously.

Alice was totally confused.

"It does the boots and shoes!" she repeated in a surprised tone.

"Why, what do you do with your shoes?" said the Gryphon. "I mean, what makes them so shiny?"

Alice looked down at her shoes and thought for a moment before answering. "They’re done with blacking, I think."

"Boots and shoes under the sea," the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, "are done with a whiting. Now you know."

"And what are they made of?" Alice asked, really curious.

"Soles and eels, of course," the Gryphon replied, sounding a bit annoyed. "Any shrimp could have told you that."

"If I’d been the whiting," said Alice, still thinking about the song, "I’d have said to the porpoise, ‘Hang back, please: we don’t want you with us!’"

"They were forced to have him with them," the Mock Turtle said. "No smart fish would go anywhere without a porpoise."

"Really?" said Alice, sounding surprised.

"Of course not," said the Mock Turtle. "Why, if a fish came to me and told me he was going on a journey, I’d say ‘With what purpose?’"

"Don’t you mean ‘purpose’?" said Alice.

"I mean what I say," the Mock Turtle replied, a little offended.

And the Gryphon added, "Come on, let’s hear some of your adventures."

"I could tell you my adventures - starting from this morning," said Alice a little shyly. "But it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a totally different person then."

"Explain all that," said the Mock Turtle.

"No, no! The adventures first," said the Gryphon, sounding impatient. "Explanations take forever."

So Alice started telling them her adventures from when she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous at first, because the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so wide, but she felt braver as she went on.

Her listeners were quiet until she got to the part about her repeating "You are old, Father William," to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming out different, and then the Mock Turtle took a deep breath and said, "That’s really weird."

"It’s as weird as it can be," said the Gryphon.

"It all came out different!" the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully.

"I’d like to hear her try to repeat something now. Tell her to start."

He looked at the Gryphon like he thought it was in charge of Alice.

"Stand up and repeat ‘Tis the voice of the sluggard,’" said the Gryphon.

"How the creatures boss you around and make you repeat lessons!" thought Alice.

"I might as well be back at school."

However, she stood up and started to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came out really strange.

"That’s not what I used to say when I was little," said the Gryphon.

"Well, I’ve never heard it before," said the Mock Turtle; "but it sounds like total nonsense."

Alice said nothing; she plopped down with her face in her hands, wondering if anything would ever happen normally again.

"I’d really like someone to explain it," said the Mock Turtle.

"She cann't explain it," said the Gryphon quickly. "Let’s just move on to the next verse."

"But what about his toes?" the Mock Turtle insisted.

"How could he turn them out with his nose, you know?"

"It’s a dancing pose," Alice said; but she was totally confused by the whole thing and really wanted to change the subject.

Let’s just move on to the next verse, the Gryphon repeated impatiently: It starts, ‘I passed by his garden.’

Alice didn’t dare to disagree, even though she felt like everything was going to go wrong, and she went on in a shaky voice: -

"I passed by his garden, and with one eye, I saw how the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie - " [later editions continued as follows The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.

When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a favor, Was kindly allowed to pocket the spoon: While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl, And ended the feast - ]

"What’s the point of repeating all that stuff," the Mock Turtle interrupted, "if you don’t explain it as you go? It’s the most confusing thing I’ve ever heard!"

"Yeah, maybe you should stop," said the Gryphon; and Alice was more than happy to.

"Should we try another move from the Lobster Quadrille?" the Gryphon asked. "Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?"

"Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind ," Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a slightly annoyed tone, "Seriously? No accounting for taste! Sing her ‘Turtle Soup,’ will you, old guy?"

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked with sobs, to sing this: -

Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot bowl! Who wouldn’t want something like that? Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Beau - ootiful Soo - oop! Beau - ootiful Soo - oop! Soo - oop of the e - e - evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

"Beautiful Soup! Who cares about fish, Game, or any other food? Who wouldn’t give up everything for just two pennies’ worth of beautiful Soup? Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? Beau - ootiful Soo - oop! Beau - ootiful Soo - oop! Soo - oop of the e - e - evening, Beautiful, beauti - Ful Soup!"

"Sing it again!" cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just started to repeat it, when a shout of "The trial is starting!" was heard in the distance.

"Let’s go!" cried the Gryphon, and, grabbing Alice’s hand, it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.

"What trial is it?" Alice gasped as she ran; but the Gryphon just yelled "Let’s go!" and ran even faster, while the sad words floated on the breeze behind them: -

"Soo - oop of the e - e - evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup!"