Chapter 4The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill

It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking super anxious as he went, like he’d lost something. She heard him muttering to himself, "The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She’s gonna have me executed, I’m sure! Where did I drop them, I wonder?"

Alice guessed right away he was looking for the fan and a pair of white gloves, and she started looking around to help, but they were nowhere to be seen - everything had totally changed since her swim in the pool, and the big hall with the glass table and the little door had vanished completely.

Very soon the Rabbit spotted Alice and called out to her in an angry tone, "Hey, Mary Ann, what are you doing out here? Run home right now and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick! And Alice got so spooked she just bolted in the direction he pointed, without even trying to explain the mix-up.

"He thought I was his housemaid," she said to herself as she ran. "He’s gonna be so surprised when he finds out who I am! But I should probably take him his fan and gloves - that is, if I can find them."

As she said this, she came across a cute little house, with a shiny brass plate on the door that said "W. Rabbit" engraved on it. She went inside without knocking and hurried upstairs, totally worried she’s meet the real Mary Ann and get kicked out before she found the fan and gloves.

"How weird is this?" Alice said to herself, "Running errands for a rabbit! I bet Dinah’ll be sending me on errands next!"

And she started imagining what would happen: "‘Miss Alice! Come here right away and get ready for your walk!’ ‘Coming in a sec, nurse! But I gotta make sure the mouse doesn’t get out.’"

"Only, I don’t think," Alice went on, "they’d let Dinah hang out in the house if it started bossing everyone around like that!"

By this time she’d found her way into a neat little room with a table by the window, and on it (just as she’d hoped) a fan and a couple of tiny white kid gloves. She grabbed the fan and a pair of gloves and was just about to leave when her eye fell on a little bottle standing near the looking-glass.

This time there wasn't a label with the words "Drink Me," but anyway she uncorked it and put it to her lips.

"Something interesting is sure to happen whenever I eat or drink anything," she said to herself, "so I’ll just see what this bottle does. I really hope it’ll make me grow big again, because I’m totally tired of being such a tiny little thing!"

"It did so, and way faster than she’d expected. Before she’d even drunk half the bottle, she felt her head pressing against the ceiling and had to bend over to stop her neck from breaking. She quickly put down the bottle, saying to herself, "That’s enough - I hope I don’t grow any more -

"As it is, I can’t even get out of the door! I really wish I hadn’t drunk so much!"

Oh no! It was too late to wish that! She kept growing and growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor. In another minute, there wasn’t even room for that, so she tried lying down with one elbow against the door and the other arm curled around her head.

But she kept growing, and as a last resort, she stuck one arm out of the window and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself, "Now I can’t do anything else, no matter what happens. What will become of me?"

Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now done its thing, and she didn’t grow any bigger. Still, it was super uncomfortable, and since there seemed to be no way she’d ever get out of the room again, it’s no wonder she felt unhappy.

"Being home was way better," thought poor Alice.

"When you weren't, like, constantly getting bigger and smaller, and being bossed around by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn’t gone down that rabbit hole - but still - it's kinda wild, you know? This whole life is a trip! I totally wonder what happened to me!"

When I used to read fairy tales, I thought stuff like this never happened, and now here I am, right in the middle of one! There needs to be a book about this, seriously!

"And when I grow up, I’ll write one - but I’m grown up now," she added sadly; "at least there’s no room for me to grow anymore here."

"But then," thought Alice, "will I ever get older than I am now? That’s kinda comforting, I guess - never being an old lady - but then - always having to learn new things! Ugh, I wouldn’t like that!"

"Oh, you’re such a goof, Alice!" she told herself.

"How can you learn lessons in here? There’s barely any room for you, let alone any lesson books!"

And so she went on, switching sides and having a whole conversation with herself; but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside and stopped to listen.

"Mary Ann! Mary Ann!" said the voice. "Get me my gloves, like, now!"

Then she heard little feet pattering on the stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled so hard she shook the whole house, totally forgetting that she was now like, a thousand times bigger than the Rabbit, and had nothing to be afraid of.

Pretty soon the Rabbit came up to the door and tried to open it; but since the door opened inwards, and Alice’s elbow was jammed against it, that didn’t work out. Alice heard it mutter to itself, "Then I’ll go around and get in through the window."

"Not if I can help it!" thought Alice, and after waiting until she thought she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly stretched out her hand and tried to grab something in the air.

She didn’t catch anything, but she heard a little shriek and a thump, and the sound of glass breaking, from which she figured it probably fell into a cucumber frame or something similar.

Next came an angry voice - the Rabbit’s - "Pat! Pat ! Where are you?" And then a voice she’s never heard before, "I’m right here, yer honour! Digging for apples!"

"Digging for apples, seriously?" said the Rabbit angrily. "Get over here and help me out of this!"

(More sounds of broken glass.)

"Now tell me, Pat, what’s that in the window?"

"It’s an arm, yer honour!" (He pronounced it "arrum.")

"An arm, you goof! Who ever saw one that size? It fills the whole window!"

"It does, yer honour: but it’s an arm for all that."

"Well, it has no business being there: go take it away!"

There was a long silence after that, and Alice could only hear whispers now and then; like, "I really don’t like it, yer honour, not one bit!"

"Do what I tell you, you coward!"

And finally, she stretched out her hand again and tried to grab something in the air. This time, there were two little shrieks and even more sounds of broken glass.

"Wow, there must be a ton of cucumber frames!" thought Alice.

"I wonder what they’ll do next! As for pulling me out of the window, I wish they would! I seriously don’t want to stay in here any longer!"

"She waited for a while, but didn’t hear anything else. Then, she heard the sound of little cart wheels and a bunch of voices all talking at once. She could just make out what they were saying: "Where’s the other ladder? - Why, I didn’t need to bring but one; Bill’s got the other - Bill!

"Get over here, kid! - Here, put ’em up at this corner - No, tie ’em together first - they don’t reach high enough yet - Oh, they’ll be okay; don’t worry too much - Here, Bill! Grab this rope - Will the roof hold? - Watch out for that loose slate - Oh, it’s falling! Heads below!" (a loud crash)

- "Now, who did that? - It was Bill, I bet - Who’s going down the chimney? - No way, I'm not! You do it! - I won’t! - Bill’s going down - Here, Bill! The boss says you’re going down the chimney!"

"Oh, so Bill’s gotta go down the chimney, huh?" Alice said to herself. "Seriously, they’re putting everything on Bill! I wouldn’t want to be in Bill’s shoes right now; this fireplace is pretty narrow, but I guess I could kick a little!"

She stretched her foot as far down the chimney as she could and waited until she heard a little animal (she couldn’t guess what kind) scratching and scrambling around above her. Then, saying to herself "That must be Bill," she gave a quick kick and waited to see what would happen.

The first thing she heard was a bunch of voices shouting, "There goes Bill! Then, the Rabbit’s voice came, "Catch him, you by the hedge! Then, it was quiet, and then another wave of voices - "Hold up his head - Brandy now - Don’t choke him - What happened, dude? Tell us all about it!"

Last came a little, weak, squeaky voice, ("That’s Bill," thought Alice,) "Well, I hardly know - No more, thanks; I’m better now - but I’m totally freaked out to tell you - all I know is, something popped up at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I went like a rocket!"

"Seriously, dude?" said the others.

"We gotta burn the house down!" said the Rabbit’s voice; and Alice yelled out as loud as she could, "If you do, I’ll set Dinah on you!"

There was instant silence, and Alice thought to herself, "I wonder what they’re gonna do next! If they had any brains, they’d take the roof off. After a minute or two, they started moving around again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, "A wheelbarrow-full will do, to start with."

"A wheelbarrow-full of what?" thought Alice; but she didn’t have long to wonder, because the next thing she knew, a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the face.

"I’ll put a stop to this," she said to herself, and shouted out, "You better not do that again!" which produced another dead silence.

Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea popped into her head.

"If I eat one of these cakes," she thought, "it’s sure to change my size; and since it can’t make me bigger, it has to make me smaller, I guess."

So she swallowed a cake, and was super happy to see that she started shrinking right away. As soon as she was small enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house and found a whole bunch of little animals and birds waiting outside.

Poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle. They all rushed at Alice the moment she showed up; but she ran off as fast as she could, and soon found herself safe in a thick wood.

"The first thing I gotta do," said Alice to herself, as she wandered around in the wood, "is to grow to my right size again; and the second thing is to find my way into that amazing garden. I think that’s the best plan."

That seemed like a totally awesome plan, super neat and simple, too! The only problem was, she had no clue how to even start. And while she was looking around anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark right above her head made her look up really fast.

A huge puppy was looking down at her with big, round eyes, and weakly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her.

"Poor little dude!" Alice said in a sweet voice, and she tried really hard to whistle to it.

But she was totally freaked out the whole time, thinking it might be hungry, and then it would probably eat her up, no matter how nice she was!

Not really thinking, she picked up a little stick and held it out to the puppy. Suddenly, the puppy jumped way up in the air, yelping with excitement, and rushed at the stick, pretending to attack it!

Then Alice ducked behind a huge thistle to get out of the way, and as soon as she popped up on the other side, the puppy charged at the stick again, tumbling head over heels in its rush to grab it!

Alice thought it was a lot like playing a game with a pony, expecting to be trampled any second, so she ran around the thistle again.

Then the puppy started a bunch of short sprints at the stick, running just a little bit forward each time and a long way back, barking loudly the whole time, until finally it plopped down far away, panting, with its tongue hanging out and its big eyes half-closed.

Alice thought this was a perfect chance to escape, so she took off running until she was totally tired and out of breath, and the puppy’s bark sounded really far away.

"But seriously, what a cute little puppy it was! Alice said, leaning against a buttercup to rest and fanning herself with a leaf. "I would have loved teaching it tricks, if - if I was the right size to do it! Ugh, totally forgot I have to grow up again! Let me see - how’s that supposed to work?"

"I guess I should eat or drink something, but the big question is, what?"

The big question definitely was, what? Alice looked all around her at the flowers and the grass, but she didn’t see anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink right now.

There was a giant mushroom growing nearby, about her height; and after checking under it, on both sides, and behind it, she thought, "Might as well look on top."

She stretched up on tiptoe and peeked over the edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a big blue caterpillar, sitting on top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and not paying any attention to her or anything else.